stepping out and socializing
Friends, it’s been a whirlwind of a weekend.
I got to witness a proposal and a baptism on the same day, and all of that on top of being a groomsman at a Bolivian wedding. For a guy I’ve only known for a month.
So today, having been part of a lot of cool personal things this past weekend with my new friends, I want to highlight the way things have gone for me on a personal level in my first month and a half here.
I think it’s fair to say that my social life in Bolivia has been the best part of living here as well as the most complicated and difficult part (it usually is when you’re abroad).
But if I’m going to mention a wedding, I should probably include some pictures!
I’ve been working on developing strong relationships with people around me while I’m here. In my most recent few moves, I’ve been looking to grow in my willingness to seek out friendships and be intentional about spending time with others.
I feel like I’ve grown a lot in that respect, and that’s come very much in handy as the challenge has grown with things like culture, language, and time acting as barriers.
However, I’ve also got some incredible people around me who are making it easy to get involved socially and make great relationships.
I already feel that I have two very close, potentially life-long friends here, and many more who I love seeing every day and interacting with.
Also, shoutout to Joel, who asked to be mentioned and is definitely one of those two :)
After 6 weeks of getting to know new people and just sharing life with them, here are some of the things I’ve learned.
Even in a culture of kindness, the people you meet who really want to pour into you and care about you deeply are special. I’m really fortunate to have a lot of good friends, but a few stand out above the rest in how much they care about me and show interest in my life, and those are the people I want to prioritize.
Communication is key in close friendships. I may be more in-tune with Latin American culture than the average American, but I still have to deal with cultural differences with my new friends here. On top of that, there’s a certain limitation that comes with the fact that my Spanish isn’t perfect. All that said, I’m learning that I have to communicate really intentionally and be as upfront and honest as I can.
People aren’t judging me for my mistakes as much as I assume they are. Everyone has been so understanding when I mess up the customary greeting, say something wrong in Spanish, or come across as a little sad or frustrated when I’m just trying really hard to track with a conversation. Grace has abounded among my friends and it’s a great reminder that I don’t have to be perfect to pour into relationships well—I just need to be present.
I should also mention dating here, because that’s one of the more noticeable differences I’ve encountered between life in the United States and life in Bolivia.
In a moment of brutal honesty with whoever reads these, I don’t tend to see myself as particularly good-looking. Here, though, just being an American raises not only your status level, but how physically attractive you’re considered to be.
Out of pure curiosity, I downloaded Tinder a month or two before I moved down here, and I didn’t get a whole lot of traction. I decided I’d keep it for a while in Bolivia just to get an idea of the differences, and boy, was I blown out of the water.
I had over 30 likes in two weeks, and that’s a lot more than I’m used to. I’ve also had a few more misadventures which have proven to me a fact that I’ve not quite been sure how to deal with: I’m genuinely attractive here.
And what’s fascinating is that that realization has started to improve my self-image as a whole. It’s allowed me to recognize I wasn’t giving myself quite enough credit back home, either.
I’ve still got a lot of self-esteem work to do to get where I want to be, and I’m also attentive to the potential to switch from one side of that pendulum to the other and create a new problem for myself. But being in a place where I’m highly regarded physically has been really helpful in changing my mentality about myself, which isn’t necessarily something I expected.
Zooming back out a bit to making friends in general, I’ve noticed I’m quieter here at times because it’s harder to think of something to say or I don’t know exactly how I want to say it.
Over the past few days, I’ve been trying to counteract that and be willing to make mistakes in conversation; it’s what taught me Spanish in the first place and I don’t want to miss out socially because I’m scared of getting something wrong.
And when I look back at the first month and a half I’ve spent here, I’m clearly doing something right. I’ve been invited to get meals, travel, and spend time with plenty of friends, and of course, there’s always the fact that I was a groomsman!
I’m having to turn down social opportunities to either take other ones or give myself time to rest, which is a really good situation to have.
More importantly, I’ve quickly built a strong support system for when I don’t feel well emotionally (or even physically). With a few people I really trust here and the connections I’m maintaining virtually with my close friends and family in the US, one thing I never feel is alone.
Of course, it takes continued effort to keep things that way. I’ve got to keep investing in the people I care about, and it’ll always take a little extra effort with a language switch. But the foundation I’ve laid so far has me set up quite well for nine more months of rich relationships.
There are two main improvements I want to make as well, but first, another photo dump.
That’s a combination of views from a small town I visited with some friends, an in-city tunnel that was really fun to go through, a beautiful old church a little ways from town, and maybe my favorite view in the entire city in the top right.
One improvement I want to realize is my own willingness to sit back and let life happen without worrying about the future too much. Everyone here challenges me to meet their standard of a go-with-the-flow mentality, and it’s something that’s very good for me to encounter on a daily basis.
I’m excited to keep taking steps forward in being present and enjoying people’s company in the moment while I know I have it and rolling with the punches as we go through life together.
A second thing I want to improve on in a social sense is prioritizing myself, in a sense. I tend to blame myself for misunderstandings and tension in relationships and that’s something I can be even more susceptible to while abroad.
Giving myself grace and also emphasizing my own wants and needs with friends is an important step forward I’m hoping to take in the near future here.
Separate from that personal side of things, I’ve stayed healthy thus far and I’m still greatly enjoying my time here and my grant work is quickly taking shape. I should have an update about that next time!
I’ve got so many things to be thankful for, and I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.
Thanks for keeping up with my progress as always and see you next time!
Blessings,
Danny
