styling myself differently

Last week, I got a haircut and had a really deep conversation with a couple of friends.

And yes, I promise those two things are related.

First, let me show off the badly needed new cut.

I literally cannot explain what that face was

And for context, here’s what my hair looks like when I wait over three months to get it cut:

And this is just the picture I’m willing to show you ;)

So the other day, a couple of friends went with me to help complete the makeover, and I’m pretty happy with the result.

But that same night, three of us were watching the musical Hamilton. As good art often does, it prompted us to start talking about pretty deep life stories and meaning-of-life topics.

Unrelated note, but white rice with scrambled eggs while you’re exploring what life means with friends is a whole vibe.

Anyway, we’re talking about how we’ve grown over the course of our lives and the concept of legacy is swimming in my head, especially after watching Hamilton.

And as I’m explaining what my goals in life are, I realize how different they are from what me a few years ago would have said in that moment.

What I recognized was that I’m now styling myself in a new way, a little like my haircut. The image I present to people, the expectation I have for my impact on what’s around me, and my overarching goals for my life belong to a totally different set of interests than they did before.

And as much as I was in need of a new haircut, I needed this internal change much more.

Let me lay out exactly what I mean and recap the realization I was able to share with my friends that night over the most average meal on the planet.

Except I’m going to interrupt that to give you a picture of a random cat that jumped in my lap while I ate a burger at 11 pm in a Bolivian beer garden:

That is all.

Anyway, here’s what I realized as I explained it to my friends.

When I was growing up, I was one of the most competitive people around. I wanted to succeed, I wanted to win, and I held myself to a near-perfect standard.

That mentality was a product of a lot of things, but at the end of the day, it was something I did to myself, something I actually enjoyed.

In a somewhat convoluted sense, it created a lot of positive outcomes and set me up for the academic success and economic freedom I had to come do something like what I’m doing here in Bolivia.

But it didn’t really come from the right place.

I was doing it all with the desire that this success I came up with would be my legacy, how I was remembered by people.

At the same time, I still had a heart for other people and loved to bridge gaps, especially when it came to verbal communication. But those two sides of me, if you will, never really mixed as much as they should have.

As I was explaining that and getting ready to launch into the changes I’m seeing in myself more recently, I understood what had really happened almost right as I was saying the words.

My legacy, how I want people to remember me when I’m gone, isn’t inherently that I was successful or did great work or was really smart.

Trust me, I’d love for that to still be the case. But it’s not my priority anymore.

Now, it’s helping other people find value in who they are and understand what makes them special.

And I think that’s the change, the difference in style. Instead of being known for what I accomplish, I really think I want to be known for how I make people feel, what I do as it relates to them rather than as it relates to me.

Realistically, I’m fairly certain I’m leaving this place in about half a year. My grant will end and I’ll almost surely go home and live in the US again for a while.

Could things change? Of course. But at the very least, that’s what I’m expecting and anticipating will happen for now. And the honest truth is that it’s entirely possible that I never come back to Bolivia.

When I began to think about what people will miss about me when I leave here, I realized that aside from my language skills or public relations prowess, my true value to the people in my life here is emotional.

That’s beautiful because emotional change is change that lasts, change that exponentially grows if done authentically. As I better myself, I put myself in a stronger position to help make other people better, who in turn improve the lives of people around them, too. It’s a cycle that can go on for a really, really long time.

My primary goal now is that such lasting change here in Bolivia starts with me. Even if it’s a bit selfish, I want people around me to be able to trace positive growth back to how I conducted myself.

I also came to Bolivia to make lasting impact through the boots-on-the-ground, strategic, career-related work I’m doing, so I don’t want to make it seem like I’m ditching that aspect of why I’m here.

I know my purpose always has been and always will be multifaceted, but I recognize now that perhaps the biggest change I’ve undergone is one that nearly went under my radar.

It’s a change in priority, a subtle shift in desire. Even more than I want my work to be appreciated (and I do!), I really want it to be impactful and personally purposeful.

That’s a pretty monumental style switch over time, and I have to steward it well.

It’s just such a good feeling putting a name and identity to some of the biggest changes I’m seeing in myself, and especially so since I’m proud of that change.

That could also be a key realization in terms of resolving what I left open-ended last time. I still can’t decide if I want to try and pursue staying here, go live abroad somewhere new, or settle down a bit back home.

So maybe understanding this priority I have of making an emotional impact could help me realize what’s most important to me.

I think at this stage in my growth process, I want to take opportunities that 1) put me in a position to keep improving emotionally so that I can continue to impact others better, 2) put myself somewhere that I can continue to pour into my closest friendships and relationships, and 3) create new friendships and put myself within new circles to mutually impact.

If I’m somewhere doing something that accomplishes all three of those goals and leaves space for me to have fun and enjoy myself, I’ll be doing pretty well for myself.

And that’s coming from a perfectionist ;)

Thanks for reading and see you soon!

Danny